This morning we got a request in the office for me to sign a form. The form of uncertain origin said that as a licensed physician in the state of Massachusetts I certified that Mrs. Jones should be given a "cardiac meal" plan from Meals on Wheels.
I was not asked to provide evidence that I have certification to make judgments about clinical nutrition, but you know that is coming: Certification in Clinical Nutrition for physicians and nurses so we can order various diets for hospitalized patients or home bound patients receiving services. The certification will need to be renewed annually at a cost of $250 but first you will have to pass a certifying exam ($850) and if you are serious about passing the exam, you'd better take the one day course at the local Holiday Inn to prepare you for the exam ($1,000)--lunch provided, parking not included.
The fact is, there is no such thing as a scientific "cardiac diet." We used to be most offended when we made rounds on the Cardiac Care Unit and eggs were on all the meal trays for the patients. How could we be feeding high cholesterol eggs to patients who had cholesterol plaques blocking their coronary arteries? It turned out, of course, dietary cholesterol is probably irrelevant to blood cholesterol. When we finally understood the role of the liver in pumping cholesterol into the bloodstream and we got the statin drugs to address this and we saw patients eating omelets every morning and running nice low blood cholesterols we realized the "cardiac diet" was a fraud.
That news has not caught up with Meals on Wheels in Massachusetts.
In fact, the patient in question has diabetes, not known heart disease. But there is no diabetes diet on the Meals on Wheels list so they make do with the cardiac diet.
We have decided to create a new word for this sort of request, which we get nine times daily from agencies requesting signatures on their forms certifying a patient is safe to go back to work after having had a runny nose, or forms requiring a signature testifying that a patient can walk down her driveway to the mailbox.
So far we have two candidates: whenever we get such a request my assistant will say, "We have another Unecht kompetant form-"-that's the German or We have a request for a Faux autoritie' --that's the French.
So far my assistant likes the German. She thinks when it comes to words related to authority, German is best. The French pretend to reject authority, but actually they cling to it. The Germans embrace authority.
Suggestions for your candidate phrases are encouraged. The winner will be announced at the Press Club dinner for President Trump.
I was not asked to provide evidence that I have certification to make judgments about clinical nutrition, but you know that is coming: Certification in Clinical Nutrition for physicians and nurses so we can order various diets for hospitalized patients or home bound patients receiving services. The certification will need to be renewed annually at a cost of $250 but first you will have to pass a certifying exam ($850) and if you are serious about passing the exam, you'd better take the one day course at the local Holiday Inn to prepare you for the exam ($1,000)--lunch provided, parking not included.
The fact is, there is no such thing as a scientific "cardiac diet." We used to be most offended when we made rounds on the Cardiac Care Unit and eggs were on all the meal trays for the patients. How could we be feeding high cholesterol eggs to patients who had cholesterol plaques blocking their coronary arteries? It turned out, of course, dietary cholesterol is probably irrelevant to blood cholesterol. When we finally understood the role of the liver in pumping cholesterol into the bloodstream and we got the statin drugs to address this and we saw patients eating omelets every morning and running nice low blood cholesterols we realized the "cardiac diet" was a fraud.
That news has not caught up with Meals on Wheels in Massachusetts.
In fact, the patient in question has diabetes, not known heart disease. But there is no diabetes diet on the Meals on Wheels list so they make do with the cardiac diet.
We have decided to create a new word for this sort of request, which we get nine times daily from agencies requesting signatures on their forms certifying a patient is safe to go back to work after having had a runny nose, or forms requiring a signature testifying that a patient can walk down her driveway to the mailbox.
So far we have two candidates: whenever we get such a request my assistant will say, "We have another Unecht kompetant form-"-that's the German or We have a request for a Faux autoritie' --that's the French.
So far my assistant likes the German. She thinks when it comes to words related to authority, German is best. The French pretend to reject authority, but actually they cling to it. The Germans embrace authority.
Suggestions for your candidate phrases are encouraged. The winner will be announced at the Press Club dinner for President Trump.
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