The Care Givers

When my wife's mother was widowed, she had three sons but I had no doubt where she would choose to relocate. She moved to be near her daughter.  The sons had wives, children, careers and although her daughter had children and a very demanding career, mother chose to be close to her daughter because she knew her daughter would have time, would make time to take care of her, which her sons, who were "busy with work" could not or would not do.

Today, I found myself urging a patient, a woman, to set aside an hour every day for exercise, and she gave me the tolerant look you might give a child who simply could not understand. "I don't have time," she said. 

"Oh, come on, " I persisted. "You're not tied to a work schedule, you don't commute. Surely you can find time. You have to want to find time."

"Oh, right. I'm not working, so I can just go to the mall and eat Bon Bons all day," she said. 
Then she laid out her day.  In the morning, she had to get her kids off to day camp. Then she had to go over to her mother's house, to be sure the mother checked her blood sugar, and took her insulin. The mother lives alone and does not drive. Then she took her mother grocery shopping.  
After that, she drove over to her sister's house to walk the sister's dog. The sister works and the dog is alone all day.
Then she stopped off at the campaign headquarters of the candidate for President for whom she had agreed to work, stuffing envelops. 
Her brother, a software engineer, works from home, but had broken his ankle and needed groceries. She drove over to his place, having stopped at the pharmacy to pick up his medications and then drove him to his orthopedist's appointment and back home.
Then the kids needed to be picked up from camp. 
Then home to cook dinner for the family.

She had forgotten to get her husband's dry cleaning. He was not pleased and could not figure out how she could have neglected this essential task. 

She had given up her career to raise her kids. 

"That might have been a mistake," she said. "I'm always the one everyone assumes has time. After all, I'm not working."

My day, by comparison, is simple. I get up, go for a run, go to work, where for 8 hours I'm expected to do only one job. Then I drive home and that's it.   I have time to exercise because my day is divided neatly and predictably. 

Compared to her, I've got it easy.