Here's some alt facts to list and keep track of.
If we just keep adding to and updating this list we can save valuable time in each news cycle:
1. "Sanctuary cities" will be cut off from federal dollars. The nasty cities are located in "donor" states, like California, which sends more dollars to the federal government than come back.
The dollars which don't come back go to states like Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana, Georgia, Kentucky, West Virginia. But that's all right because all those states voted for Mr. Trump and these states hate the federal government for keeping them in a dependent state of mind like so many welfare queens.
Sanctuary cities like Los Angeles and Boston refuse to send out storm troopers to demand papers from suspected illegal immigrants and those cities should be punished.
2. Speaking of punishing cities: The feds will be sent to Chicago to get tough with the shooters there who are shooting "thousands" of people.
There are almost 300 shooting deaths a year in Chicago, and who knows how many non lethal shootings. Well, not quite right--the Donald knows there are "thousands."
Anyway, there is carnage in Chicago and "the feds" will put an end to this.
The democratic mayor of Chicago refuses to do anything because he is a friend of Obama's who was born in Kenya, where shootings are even more frequent. In the millions.
So we'll send in the feds, but exactly which feds is not clear.
I'm thinking FEMA with those helicopters to rescue drowning victims. They are good at rescue.
Or maybe, EPA officers to test the water for lead, which must be a problem because all those Chicago ER's are inundated with patients with "lead poisoning." Get it? "lead poisoning" as in lead bullets.
Or maybe we'll send in the FBI under the direction of James Comey. He's a good guy, Comey. You remember him, right?
3. "Clean Coal:" We are putting all those coal miners back to work to get clean coal to the power plants again. This new coal is so cool it actually scrubs the skies clean and pulls CO2 out of the air and then it floats north and finds drowning polar bears and rescues them. President Trump is directing his new head of the EPA to create an award for the mine which produces the most clean coal and Rick Perry at Energy has been directed to convert all those wind farms to coal fired windmills and the solar panels will run on coal on cloudy days. It's so wonderful. Everyone's a winner.
4. Crowd Size/Penis size: President trump is speaking to record crowds everywhere he goes. You cannot always see the crowds, but they are there on line.
Interviews have suggested the crowds all love him.
Did you see that crowd at the CIA cheering? That was an authentic, loving, enthusiastic crowd. CIA employees, who the lying media said hated the Donald just loved him.
-Becausce, as CIA agents, they know Mr. Trump's penis is bigger than anyone's the biggest penis EVER.
6. Islam Hates Us: Which is why they are lopping off heads. They hate us because Donald's penis is bigger than anyone in ISIS. You know what they really want to lop off. But we are winning because ISIS is afflicted with small penis size.
7. Water boarding is back: We have to be tough because they hate us. Anyone accused of a crime will be water boarded. They will be water boarded daily once convicted. This is good for the Ohio workers in the plant which makes water boarding paraphernalia. The owners of the plant, Blackwater, promises all components are made in America and the water is American. This will put hundreds of thousands of Ohio workers back to work.
8. Oil pipelines are good for the environment: We save all that fuel which we had to use to transport oil by rail and by truck. The pipelines will employ hundreds of thousands of workers from Wisconsin, and Mexico will pay for them.
9. Voter fraud is rampant: We are going to stop this cancer on democracy by restricting voting to voters who vote for Trump and Republican representatives. No Blacks, Hispanics or Women need apply, which is a sacrifice on the part of Mr. Trump since 53% of women voted for him and 30% of Hispanics did too. Blacks we didn't count, but we hear the turnout to vote for Mr. Trump in the Black inner cities of Philadelphia and Detroit was YUGE! But, just to show how the Donald is willing to sacrifice for the good of the country no Blacks, Women or Hispanics, his own base, will be allowed to vote in the future. Costs of revising the voter rolls will be borne by Mexico, eventually.
If we just keep adding to and updating this list we can save valuable time in each news cycle:
1. "Sanctuary cities" will be cut off from federal dollars. The nasty cities are located in "donor" states, like California, which sends more dollars to the federal government than come back.
The dollars which don't come back go to states like Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana, Georgia, Kentucky, West Virginia. But that's all right because all those states voted for Mr. Trump and these states hate the federal government for keeping them in a dependent state of mind like so many welfare queens.
Sanctuary cities like Los Angeles and Boston refuse to send out storm troopers to demand papers from suspected illegal immigrants and those cities should be punished.
2. Speaking of punishing cities: The feds will be sent to Chicago to get tough with the shooters there who are shooting "thousands" of people.
There are almost 300 shooting deaths a year in Chicago, and who knows how many non lethal shootings. Well, not quite right--the Donald knows there are "thousands."
Anyway, there is carnage in Chicago and "the feds" will put an end to this.
The democratic mayor of Chicago refuses to do anything because he is a friend of Obama's who was born in Kenya, where shootings are even more frequent. In the millions.
So we'll send in the feds, but exactly which feds is not clear.
I'm thinking FEMA with those helicopters to rescue drowning victims. They are good at rescue.
Or maybe, EPA officers to test the water for lead, which must be a problem because all those Chicago ER's are inundated with patients with "lead poisoning." Get it? "lead poisoning" as in lead bullets.
Or maybe we'll send in the FBI under the direction of James Comey. He's a good guy, Comey. You remember him, right?
3. "Clean Coal:" We are putting all those coal miners back to work to get clean coal to the power plants again. This new coal is so cool it actually scrubs the skies clean and pulls CO2 out of the air and then it floats north and finds drowning polar bears and rescues them. President Trump is directing his new head of the EPA to create an award for the mine which produces the most clean coal and Rick Perry at Energy has been directed to convert all those wind farms to coal fired windmills and the solar panels will run on coal on cloudy days. It's so wonderful. Everyone's a winner.
4. Crowd Size/Penis size: President trump is speaking to record crowds everywhere he goes. You cannot always see the crowds, but they are there on line.
Interviews have suggested the crowds all love him.
Did you see that crowd at the CIA cheering? That was an authentic, loving, enthusiastic crowd. CIA employees, who the lying media said hated the Donald just loved him.
-Becausce, as CIA agents, they know Mr. Trump's penis is bigger than anyone's the biggest penis EVER.
5. The American embassy in Israel is now in Jerusalem, which is also includes Tel Aviv. Same town now. In fact the American embassy in Egypt, Iraq, Turkey and Libya are all now in Jerusalem. We are considering moving the State Department from E Street in Washington, D.C. to Jerusalem. Mexico will pay for that, too.
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| Look, ma! I look just like a soldier! |
7. Water boarding is back: We have to be tough because they hate us. Anyone accused of a crime will be water boarded. They will be water boarded daily once convicted. This is good for the Ohio workers in the plant which makes water boarding paraphernalia. The owners of the plant, Blackwater, promises all components are made in America and the water is American. This will put hundreds of thousands of Ohio workers back to work.
8. Oil pipelines are good for the environment: We save all that fuel which we had to use to transport oil by rail and by truck. The pipelines will employ hundreds of thousands of workers from Wisconsin, and Mexico will pay for them.
9. Voter fraud is rampant: We are going to stop this cancer on democracy by restricting voting to voters who vote for Trump and Republican representatives. No Blacks, Hispanics or Women need apply, which is a sacrifice on the part of Mr. Trump since 53% of women voted for him and 30% of Hispanics did too. Blacks we didn't count, but we hear the turnout to vote for Mr. Trump in the Black inner cities of Philadelphia and Detroit was YUGE! But, just to show how the Donald is willing to sacrifice for the good of the country no Blacks, Women or Hispanics, his own base, will be allowed to vote in the future. Costs of revising the voter rolls will be borne by Mexico, eventually.
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