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| Michael Pollan |
--Patrick Mettes, a dying patient, after taking Psilocybin, a psychodelic drug
Michael Pollan's piece in the Feb 2 New Yorker about the science of psycho active drugs, in particular LSD and Psilocybin, is so well done, it actually kept me reading, despite a longstanding antipathy to all those people who extol these drugs, the airhead who dreamily said things like, "Far out" as they drifted off into la la land.
When LSD got really popular, I was in college, not at all interested in distractions like psychodelic experiences, while I was trying to get into medical school at the height of the Vietnam war, when any male who could use a slide rule or add sums suddenly decided he had an intense desire to become a doctor and heal the sick and get his draft deferment for medical school. Competition was intense. No trippers need apply.
It was still on going when I was in medical school, and nothing could turn me off faster than meeting some perfectly splendid young lady, blonde surfer hair flowing across her shoulders but then she would lean forward, chin on hand, and say, "I had the most amazing trip, last night. I mean, it was just so...far out."
Oh, please.
But having lived among the dying, and having, at least briefly, put myself in their place, facing the deep despair of feeling yourself sliding down the road toward oblivion, I can readily appreciate the huge relief afforded by taking a drug which allows you to feel death does not really matter. The meaning of death, losing contact with all those who mean so much to you, when you take psychodelics, does not matter. Never being able to swim in the ocean, or gaze out over Lake Winnipesaukee again, never being able to be thrilled by things of this earth, this life, doesn't really matter. There is something else.
Pollan is a very accomplished writer and he takes you from the origins of Aldous Huxley describing his experiences with mescaline through Timothy Leary through the plodding, systematic approaches of researchers at Hopkins and NYU into trying to understand the physiology of these molecules, and their huge potential.
There is, of course, politics. It's one thing to get approval for the use of drugs in dying patients, but quite another to make it available to enhance life among the ostensibly healthy. That brings you into the sites of the drug warriors. And, this being America, there is the problem of money. These drugs may not be patent-able, so they may never be fought for, developed by the only real power in America: Money.
Having just read the Pollan article, I got an email from a high school friend about an upcoming reunion, complete with the link to the reunion. I had not been interested in this reunion. At ten years out, I was very hot to go. There were still a couple of girls I was eager to see again, and I was in a position to reconnect. At 20 years, some people had been married, divorced and were clearly there to pick up loose threads. By 30 years, it was just a matter of seeing who you could actually recognize, after weight gain, hair loss and years behind a desk had taken their toll.
But now, I thought: If you hadn't kept up with people over those years, what was the point of traveling back to see them for a night? As one of my classmates said in the comments section, "Actually, high school is now just a vague memory."
Each one of these 16 year old girls was a firecracker in my soul. Just catching a glimpse of any could make my day, and a conversation in the hallway between classes was an endorphin high.
Of the three, I dated only Abby, and she only briefly, for reasons which are lost to me now. Why did I fail to spend more time, tons of time with these three? What kept me so occupied that I failed to pursue them? And then the psychodelic moment--as I reached out to touch the face of, not God, but at least each of these girls, I realized, it's okay. They are lost to me. It's all cool. Far out. In one sense, you never really lose anyone, as long as you have their memory.
And, in another sense, I had much more of those girls during high school in fantasy than I ever had in reality, and maybe that's a good thing. In fact, maybe that's the best part of life--not what happens in the real world but what happens in your mind.
We lose everyone, eventually, and everything. We lose parents, friends along the way, and we go on. And, looking back at those people who evoked the most intense response from me at that particular point in the journey, now gone, I have that feeling Patrick Mettes described--it's alright. We had that then, lost it, survived, found new people, had new experiences, and will likely move beyond again.
Far out.
Psychodelic babble. No drug needed.
Phantom,
ReplyDeleteYou are right-this was a fascinating article and not a subject I would have previously thought I had much interest in. Yet it was very informative-who knew LSD and other psychedelics had actual scientific study attached to them. I, in my ignorance, thought the exploration of the benefits of LSD and the like began and ended with Timothy Leary. It's unfortunate that I'm not alone in this misconception and so the exploration of the benefits of these drugs remains a struggle-a hushed struggle at that. One of the things I found most astonishing about the research is the evidence that the benefits of a psychedelic experience can be long lasting. Would you have thought there would be measurable long term benefit to such an experience, benefits that would extend beyond the actual trip and perhaps permanently alter the brain in a positive way? I wouldn't have. Like marijuana or any other drug in our medical arsenal, I think psychedelics like psilocybin should be available to assist the terminally ill. But then I think everything should be available to assist the terminally ill..
One would think that even with the trips occurring in a controlled setting and "guided" you would still probably have to have a particular mind set to want to participate in such an experience and perhaps reap all the benefits. I never "dropped acid"-it had no appeal to me and seemed like something enjoyed by classmates more into the drug scene-I drew the line at smoking pot and even that I didn't always enjoy. That being said, I was with one of my closest girlfriends when she decided to try acid for the first and I would assume the last time. We were staying with her family at a place at the beach when we were eighteen and one night we ran across a party of kids from our high school down on the beach. Long and short, she opted to give acid a try, I declined. It wasn't a difficult decision for me, I really wasn't tempted, and as the night wore on I became increasingly glad of my choice. For example, at one point someone remarked that the houses across from the beach had eyes that were blinking and watching us-several other people turned around to look at the houses and they too apparently could see the eyes....When my girlfriend and I returned to where we were staying and were in bed, she kept repeating that she thought the "walls were breathing"and I spent the rest of the night trying to reassure her they weren't and have her not make this observation loud enough that her mother would hear it in the next room. I was keenly grateful I had opted out of the experience, since houses with eyes and breathing walls are not things I would have found "cool", but rather deeply disturbing. My girlfriend would not have rated the experience as horrid or permanently mind altering-but probably everyone who grew up in the 60's and 70's was familiar with stories of kids having a bad or traumatic experience on acid. This was something the article referred to as well and is one of the reasons the research experiences are so controlled and "guided". You do wonder what the Republican right would make of such experimental research-wouldn't they just love to pin Democrats to the mat and insist they either endorse or condemn these "druggie" psychedelic experiments. Science and medical breakthroughs be damned.
But would the general public ever be able to hold off on the hysteria long enough to really understand what the goals of the experiments are and the science behind it. Doubt it. The whole subject is, as I said, fascinating and if research continues to indicate that these drugs can provide mystical, beneficial experiences and long term benefits then perhaps they should be looked at for others besides the terminally ill. After all, as one researcher stated at the end, "we're all terminal"....
Maud
Maud,
ReplyDeleteSomehow, I am not surprised losing control on a wave of LSD would not appeal to you, even at 18.
For me, staying in touch with the real world, separating it from my fantasy world has always been a struggle, so even pot did not appeal. I've got enough trouble as it is.
You, on the other hand, are clearly an older sister--someone has to be there to deal with the breathing walls with a clear mind.
Phantom
Phantom,
ReplyDeleteWhich reminds me of something else you said above-that maybe the best part of life is "not what happens in the real world but what happens in your mind". On the one hand I can see your point-we can control the story in our mind and all the players, including ourselves can be flawless, or at least only as flawed as we choose. Those of us with active imaginations know that reality sometimes doesn't live up to what we've conjured up in our head. But is a perfectly imagined life really better than an imperfectly lived one?
Maud,
ReplyDeleteWe probably all live both lives.
The cool part is when when you can take what you imagined and make it come "true." It's never quite what you imagined, but sometimes better.
Phantom