New Hampshire Spring

George Carlin

 Spring in New Hampshire dips its toe into cold water, unsure of whether it really wants to take the plunge.
Yesterday, people were out in T shirts, cleaning out the flower beds, putting up the screens, cleaning windows and hauling snow shovels from the garage to the basement. 
     Today, at Plaice Cove the wind off the waves sprayed cold salt water in your face and a down vest was not enough. 
     Spring in Washington, D.C. arrives like a light switch being thrown. Boom, it's on. Has been for two weeks down there.  The flower buds shoot up through the loamy ground, the azaleas bloom, the bees buzz and it's suddenly humid. Cars parked outdoors are coated in a light velvety green pollen, in DC.

Satchel Paige

     But Spring time in New Hampshire is a blushing adolescent in her new bikini, not sure she really wants to show herself quite yet.
    Yesterday, the Coastal New England Baseball League held it's season opening party. Players were assigned teams  and jerseys and hats were handed out.  The Phantom heard what had transpired over the long winter, who had fallen off roofs cleaning snow and who would not be returning owing to injury, age or simple loss of interest. 
    Somehow, the Phantom was reminded of another Spring party some years ago,  at a Washington, DC art gallery. A forty something lawyer held his glass of white wine,  full head of chestnut hair, a blue shirt with a snow white collar, silk regimental striped tie, gold cuff links, Movado watch and he was talking about the resignation of Larry Summers from the post of President of Harvard University. 
    "He had such a rare combination of skill sets," the lawyer was saying. "Great talent, energy and intellect. There's so few people who could really bring so much to a job like that which demands so much."
     "I couldn't disagree more," the Phantom said. "That job has got to be one of the easiest jobs on earth. All you have to do is keep your mouth shut and let the place run itself, allow the money to flow in and stay out of the way."
     The lawyer looked as if he had been slapped in the face.  You just didn't say things like that in polite company in Washington, D.C., where everyone talked about jobs and "qualifications" and "talent" as if the people who "earned" them really were special and deserved all the glory.

Around him, at the baseball party, the Phantom was now hearing the inevitable swapping of quotes from Yogi Berra and Satchel Paige. 
"I never threw an illegal pitch," Page had said. "The trouble is, once in a while I would toss one that ain't never been seen by this generation."  That was a favorite, because in this particular league, the age range of the players goes from thirty five to sixty seven.
"I always liked Satchel," another player was saying, quoting the seer:  "Money and women. They're two of the strongest things in the world. The things you do for a woman you wouldn't do for anything else. Same with money."
"Airplanes may kill you, but they ain't likely to hurt you,"  another quoted. "The man knew of what he spoke."
"He spoke for the ages," another agreed. "The only change is that baseball has turned Paige from a second class citizen to a second class immortal."
Inevitably, when you start quoting baseball players, you have to quote Yogi Berra. 
"The future ain't what it used to be."
"Half the lies they tell about me aren't true."
"If the world was perfect, it wouldn't be."
Or, the one which should have been used more often in Washington: "I wish I had an answer to that because I'm tired of answering that question."

Yogi Berra

Eventually, enough beer had been drunk the Phantom decided it was time to quote George Carlin: "If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little."

Someone offered: "The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music."

And so it went. They are playing baseball in the pros and, in two weeks, we'll be playing in New Hampshire. 

The Phantom offered:  "You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans."

That was too political for the baseball crowd. And there's a bill in the New Hampshire legislature to kill the death penalty here.

"The future will soon be a thing of the past." That was safer. 

"The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post, 'Thou shalt not steal, Thou shall not commit adultery and Thou shalt not lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment."

Live free or die.

It's happening again. This is the first weekend of the year when the Phantom could walk around his entire yard and find no snow at all. Buds are on the trees. Dry roots are stirring with spring rain. Let us hope.

Salt Marshes. Obadiah Youngblood