Who Can Find A Virtuous Woman?

Van Gogh, Landscape at Twilight 1890

During the 1960's and 1970's Gloria Steinem and other women's liberation gliteratti  railed against men who desired women as "objects," by which they meant, they loathed men who lusted after women for their bodies, and who wanted those bodies to have no offensive or even strong odors, or blemishes or any real attributes of humanity.  The nude women of "Playboy" were air brushed clean of moles, stray hairs and wrinkles.  The "Stepford Wives" became the ultimate expression of what men were said to want--perfect robots of obedience and devices of pleasure.

It struck the Phantom then, and still strikes him as odd,  that women would demand men develop a different set of desires.  Who are these women to tell men what they should desire?

On the other hand, they had a point.  Men pursue in women not a human being, but an ideal and that is a doomed quest. Women, of course, do the same thing--they just have a different list of attributes they are looking for. 

On the other hand, what Steinem et al missed was what made women really attractive to men. Certainly not the sweet Geisha girl, who only smiled and bowed and aimed to please. Ugh. Of course, some men likely did dream about the living Barbie doll who had dimples but no odors, who were like adoring daughters, and who never criticized or belittled but only admired and praised their men.

For the Phantom, Myrna Loy (from the "Thin Man" series) had the right stuff--smart, unflappable, nervy and irreverent. She was not perfect. No human being is, but she was very attractive.  Beryl Markham, who wrote "West With The Night" had that right stuff, as did Brett Ashley, who had no intention of being restrained in her sexual pursuits, who had supreme self confidence. Sylvia Plath's "Bell Jar" spoke with a voice which set the Phantom fantasizing. Why did he not run into some Sylvia  Plath in all those East Side bars he haunted during medical school? 

"If you ever did meet a broad like that, "one of his friends told him. "She would have absolutely no interest in you."

At least such women provided a notion of virtues to be recognized.  The problem was, these women were largely obscure in those days and even now.  How can men know what they might be drawn to, if they never see such women? The Phantom scrolls through the heroines of today's fiction and current headlines and finds precious few models. Gail Collins has wit, but she is a byline, unseen.  Hillary Clinton? Please. 

Taken to a different level, there is now a movie about a man who falls utterly in love with a virtual woman, a voice on a computer, the creation of his own mind. But that is not even the most famous idea of a women who has no flesh and blood but only dialogue and image: Jessica Rabbit, the femme fatale, who seduces real flesh and blood men.  There was that "You've Got Mail" woman who Tom Hanks falls in love with and turns out to be Meg Ryan. He falls in love with a part of a woman, which is what happens now when couples exchange emails and even photos on line and have a "relationship" long before they physically connect.  Even in traditional courtship, both women and men with hold parts of themselves as they dance around each other, so how different is the with hold in on line courtship?  Plenty, I'd say. 

The husband of a woman I know asked for a divorce, sold his share in the house, dropped everything to move to Thailand to link up with the girl/woman of his computer dreams.  You don't need to be board certified in psychiatry to see the neurosis there. But how far is he from the legions who are computer dating now?  

This cultural  phenomenon does suggest, however, at least some men are not seeing women as objects as the women's liberation scions of yore deplored. In fact, these men are connecting mostly blind to the physical woman they are falling for. 

But what attributes have attracted these on line Lotharios?

If Marilyn Monroe was the most desirable woman of her day, with her child like whisper and her ingenue roles, if she was laying down the blueprint for what men want, then who is doing that for men today?

It is curious.  Where are the women who can launch a thousand ships today? You know they are out there. But why are they hiding their lights under bushels?